Moronette Chicken and Garlic

Made this tonight. I’m thinking my kids would like a can of diced tomatoes rather than the cherry tomatoes. Not as sweet but no tomato skins. And the whole clove of garlic roasted and then smushed on a piece of bread is pretty awesome.

Another moronette said that pre-peeled garlic can be found in the produce section, and that either a cast iron skillet or a Dutch oven (SYWM) would work.

Chicken and Garlic
1 Tbs butter
1 Tbs olive oil
2 lbs legs and attached thighs-skin on.
20 (yeah, 20) whole cloves of garlic, peeled
2 cups cherry or grape tomatoes (one package is fine)
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup reduced sodium chicken broth
1/4 tsp ground pepper
1/4 cup fresh Basil cut in strips
a good crusty baguette

Preheat oven to 425. Heat butter and oil (in an oven safe skillet) over med-high heat. Brown chicken, both sides. remove to plate. Add all that garlic and cook until JUST brown, about 1 minute. Return chicken to pan on top of the garlic, pour on the tomatoes and add the broth. Bake 40-45 minutes, or until done, sprinkle with pepper and Basil. Serve with pieces of baguette to sop the juice and/or spread the garlic, which is just like butter, on the bread.

Mussels in Tomato Sauce, over zucchini noodles

Rich mussels adds a wonderful breath of the sea to ordinary tomato sauce.

*five young zucchini squash, about 6″ long or so

The day before:

Clean and trim the zucchini, then slice into exceedingly thin strips with a vegetable peeler. Spread the strips out on a screen or a sheet of waxed paper and allow to dry out a bit overnight, turning and tossing occasionally to encourage it all to dry on all sides. You can also turn the oven on for a minute, then turn it off and set the zucchini in there. Prop the door open an inch to let the moisture out. They won’t get really dry, but you want them to start getting a little leathery here and there.

*4 chicken thighs

*one quart homemade, or one jar of your favorite spicy tomato sauce

*basil, black pepper, red pepper flakes

*one bunch swiss chard, chopped coarsely, or whatever quick-cooking leafy green you prefer

*one small bag (usually 35-50) mussels, soaked and cleaned

Brown the chicken in olive oil in a large deep soup pot. Add the tomato sauce and bring to a simmer. Turn the heat down low, add spices to taste, and set the pot lid slightly ajar so that moisture escapes and the sauce can thicken. Allow the chicken to cook slowly in the sauce for an hour or two, until it falls off the bone. Remove the chicken pieces, chop up the meat and return it to the simmering pot.  Stir in the swiss chard and bring back to a simmer.

Add the mussels, pressing them down into the sauce as well as you can.

Cover the pot tightly and simmer until the mussels open. Taste the sauce and correct the seasoning to your liking.

In a large skillet, toss the dried zucchini noodles with a couple tablespoons of olive oil. Saute quickly over high heat until heated through and limp, but still al dente.

Serve by making a nest of noodles in a large bowl and spooning the chickeny sauce and mussels over the top.

Take a few bites, then go off to a private place and touch yourself.

Ham Vindaloo (As Done by Dot Injuns)*

This is probably not traditional, but it’s fucking delicious, and dead easy.

Half the fun is not using silverware; eat it with some sort of bread as a utensil.  This part is important.***

You will need:

• 3 tbsp. Butter (or ghee (not Stupid Ghee))**
• 1 Onion (chopped)
• 1 Habanero Pepper (chille or otherwise, as you prefer)
• 1 big honking scoop of Garlic
• 1 lb. shredded Ham
• 1 pint Stewed Tomatoes
• 1 pint Water
• 1 very aggressive shake of Pepper
• Several Bay Leaves
• 2 tbsp. Madras Curry Powder
• 1 tbsp. Sweet Paprika
• 1/2 cup Heavy  Cream
• 1 moderate shake of Sage
• 2 large Potatoes (cubed)

Use a large sauce pot.  Heat the butter until it’s toasty.

Toss in the onions, garlic, and peppers.  Cook them until they’re toasty.  Golden brown should be enoungh.

Add all of the spices (pepper,  bay, curry powder, paprika, sage,) and fry for another 3 minutes.  Dump in the tomatoes and water.  Heat to boiling.  Peel the potatoes and cube them, dump the potatoes in (along with any other veggebles you like) and set to simmer.

Set to simmer and stir periodically for a few hours.  Near the end, reduce the heat and add the heavy cream and shredded ham.  Don’t boil, but heat to a simmer and give it a stir sometimes.

This shit smells better than coffee and tastes great.  Serve it with some rice, and scoop it up with some sort of flat bread.  It’s fucking amazing.

* Ham is possibly some sort of taboo, but who cares?  The meat part can be chicken or pork or water buffalo if you like.  This shit is outstanding.  Just DON’T ADD EXTRA SALT.  I love salt, but the ham adds enough.  It’s easy to have too much salt.

**Really, you could make this in about an hour; just put everything in a pot and cook on high until it’s done.  However, this is one of those things that is way better slow cooked.  You can set up a crock pot and have this for supper and it will be excellent.

*** Seriously, eat this with some flat bread and your fingers.  It’s fun.  It’s disgusting.  It’s fantastic.

Low Tide

Original recipe post, which was actually a tweaked version. That’s an actual picture of what it looks like when done. I prefer it with more golden broth, but sometimes I overcook the potatoes and end up with a thickened version.

Doesn’t matter, you can’t screw this up. Pork and shellfish just work so beautifully together, you could tart this thing up however you like and it will still be wonderful. If you do something crazy with this recipe (like use shrimp, or do a cajun spice version, which I always think about but never do), let me know or send a picture.

Here’s the version I make more often and prefer; but in actual practice there is no recipe so it’s always changing.

Low Tide

1 T. Paprika

1/2 tsp. each marjoram & basil

2 bay leaves

1/4 tsp. black pepper

1 large onion, chopped*

3 cloves of garlic*

2 lbs. pork loin, cubed

1 lb. Portuguese sausage (chourico or linguica), thinly sliced

3-4 red or white potatoes (or any good boiling potato), diced

24 Littleneck clams or equivalent hardshell clams, thoroughly scrubbed and soaked in brine with cornmeal for a couple hours.** Rinse brine off the clams with cold water just before using.

1 big bunch of kale, or enough to make about 4-5 cups worth of torn-up, packed leaves.

*you can substitute leeks and shallots for the onions and garlic.

**you can substitute mussels for the clams. See bottom of recipe for the mussels version.

In a bowl, dust the pork cubes with paprika, marjoram and basil and toss to coat. Set aside at room temperature.

In a large, deep frypot, saute the onions and garlic (or leeks/ shallots) on medium heat with olive oil, the bay leaves and black pepper until leeks are soft. Add the pork cubes and raise the heat to sear the pork.

When the mix starts to sizzle and brown up, add sausage and potato and a cup of water or any kind of plain/unsalted broth.  A few splashes of white wine or sherry are nice too, if you have some. Stir up and cover tightly. Set heat to medium-low, stirring periodically, until the pot is bubbling hard and the potatoes are half or almost-cooked.

Meanwhile, pull apart the head(s) of kale and wash the leaves individually (they tend to hold grit). Tear out the tough leaf ribs and discard them. Rip the leaves up (nice big pieces, not shreds) by hand, or cut into wide ribbons.

Tuck your impeccably clean clams hinge-down all over the pot as deeply into the bubbling broth as you can. Top the mixture with the kale; do not stir in. Cover pot tightly, and cook on low, checking every few minutes until all the clams have opened wide. The kale will steam and wilt and you can push it into the broth as you check on the clams periodically. Take the pot off the heat as soon as the clams are done.

Dish up in deep bowls with lots of broth. Serve with crusty bread for dipping, and set a large tub for discarded shells about ten feet away from the dining table so you can play hoops while you eat. No, okay, don’t do that last thing. That’s so wrong.

Mussels version: If you are using mussels instead of clams, raise the amount to three dozen. Also, wait until the potatoes are cooked tender before you put the mussels in. They open quickly and the spuds won’t have time to finish before you have to take the pot off the heat.

Betty Bells Beans

~Submitted by ChrisP

Betty Bells Beans

From our old friend Virginia Aikins (RIP)

All cans are 15-16oz

• 1 can Butter Beans (Rinse & Drain)
• 1 can Kidney Beans (R&D)
• 2 medium apples, chopped
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 – 1 pound pork sausage, browned & drained
• 1 can Pork-n-Beans
• 2 Medium onions, chopped
• 2 8 oz cans Tomato Sauce
• 1 Tbs, Chili powder.

Stir all of the above together.
Bake at 350 for 1.5 hours.

Works fine in the Crock Pot, too.

Dolmathes Oles!

Yumminess stuffed in a leaf.

You will need:

• 1 lb. Spicy Sausage*
• 1 large Onion
• 2 cups of Rice**
• 1 cup of Slivered Almonds
• Garlic
• 1 Leek
• 1 tbsp. Basil
• 1 large tsp. Oregano***
• 1 tsp. Sage
• 1 tsp. Thyme
• Salt
• Pepper
• Water
• Many Grape Leaves****
• Oil
• Butter

Fry the sausage, oregano, thyme, sage, garlic, and onion in a small splash of oil with a shake of salt and pepper.

Toast the almonds in butter.

Heat some oil (I like walnut oil for this) and toast the dry rice until it starts to brown.  Add the chopped leek and the basil, give it a shake of salt and pepper.  Continue cooking and stirring until the whole mess is a toasty brown color.  Add 3.5 cups of water, heat to boiling, cover, and turn the burner off.  Let it be for the next while.

Rinse your grape leaves and separate them if you got the packaged variety.  Snip off the stem if it hasn’t already been snipped.  This part can be tricky; you don’t want to tear them, and getting them apart will take some patience.  Save the small ones and torn ones for later.

Toss the toasted almonds in with the rice.  Stir that crap with a vengeance.

Take your grape leaves, one by one, and put a big spoonful of rice and a small spoonful of sausage stuff just above the stem part.  Fold the bottom of the leaf over the filling, give it half a roll, fold the sides of the leaf in, roll the whole thing up, and set it folded side down on a plate.  Continue forever (this isn’t a fast process).

Once you’ve used up all of your goodies, layer the rolls on a rack in a steamer.  Separate the layers of rolls with the torn and too small leaves.  Heat the water to boiling and cover.  Let it cook for 30 minutes until it’s all hot and steamy.

*I use sausage because I have white hot hatred for the more traditional ground lamb.  Lamb is not fit fit to eat under any circumstances in my opinion.  But, use the filthy stuff if you must.

**You can skip making the rice stuff and double down on the meat stuff if you want some sort of diet friendly thingummy.

*** Use mint instead of oregano.  It’s equally delicious.

**** If you get packaged grape leaves, TASTE THEM BEFORE SALTING ANYTHING.  They can come in heavily salted brine and it’s easy to over-salt.

Garbage Can Gumbo*

This makes a LOT of soup.  Not even RocketBoy could clean this up.  Happily it freezes well.  It also takes a good bit of work, but it’s totally worth it.

You will need:

• • 2 pints Stock**
  • Water
  • 3 Potatoes
  • 1 bunch Broccoli
  • 1 large Onion
  • 3 Bell peppers
  • 1 box of Mushrooms
  • 1 lb. Green Beans
  • 1/2 bag frozen Peas (Or fresh, of course)
  • 2 Habanero Peppers (Omit these if you’re not a fan of hot and spicy.  Wimp.)
  • 1/2 lb. Bacon
  • 1 lb. Andouille Sausage (Polish, Chorizo, or Hot Italian works as well)
  • 1 lb. White Fish (I’m partial to Tilapia)
  • 1 heap of Crawdads (Shrimp is good too)
  • 1-2 lbs. Mussels
  • 1 lb. Scallops
  • Heaping scoops of minced or crushed Garlic
  • 5-6 Bay Leaves
  • 1 tsp. Thyme
  • 1 tbsp. Oregano
  • 3 vigorous shakes of Celery Seed
  • Salt
  • Lots of Pepper
  • 4-5 splashes of Worcestershire Sauce
  • Butter
  • Butter
  • Butter
  • Lard
  • Flour

Pour the stock into a large stock pot and add the chopped onion, garlic, bay leaves, thyme, oregano, celery seed, some salt, pepper and the minced habaneros.  Heat to simmering and let it be for a few hours.

Meanwhile, peel and dice the potatoes, chop the broccoli, sip a nice table wine or tasty brew, snap the beans (and shell the peas if you got them fresh), chop the bell peppers, and slice the mushrooms***.

Once the stock has stewed enough to fill your joint with the smell of mouth watering goodness, hurl those chopped vegetables right into the pot and turn the heat up.  Nobody likes raw taters in their soup.  They should be done in about 40 minutes (I like the red ones cuz I’m a potatoist).  Also fry the bacon, let it cool, and crumble it in there.

Peel the shrimp or crawdads and soak them in a salt brine.  Cube the white fish.  Clean the mussels and de-beard them.  If you got the big scallops cube them as well.  Heat some butter in a frying pan and sear the crawdad tails and scallops.  Go ahead and toss some garlic in there, and a splash of wine or beer couldn’t hurt.  Scrape all of that goodness into the stock pot.  Also add enough water to keep things soupy.

Slice the sausages into medallions and sear them in the frying pan.  Dump that into the stock pot as well.  Melt some more butter with some more garlic and fry the cubed fish hard.  Exile that to the stock pot with everything else. Toss a couple of tablespoons of butter into the pot while you’re at it, and shake that Worcestershire bottle like a British nanny.

Heat a a big scoop of lard in the frying pan and add a big scoop of flour.  It should be thick like gravy.  Fry that until it turns medium brown and pour it into the pot.  Stir vigorously and add extra flour until the soup thickens into a nice gravy.  Banish the cleaned mussels to the pot and cook for another 10 minutes until the shells open.

Scoop that shit onto a bed of rice pilaf and let your eyes roll up in your head.  It’s fucking AWESOME!

*I used to make this in California and I made it for my folks while home for Christmas one year.  My mom told her friend about the wonderful supper I had made but she said “He cooked us a stew that was like a garbage can.  He just kept dumping stuff in.”  So that’s why it’s Garbage Can Gumbo.

**I used to use chicken stock for this, but I had a box of frozen ham stock left over from my last New England Bake.  It was the shit.  Use ham juice if you have it.

***Any vegetables that you like can go in here; carrots, celery, turnips, zucchini, take your pick.